Ham Lets Story by Willie Jake Speer

My son had to write about Hamlet and I thought he needed the born in the woods , raised by a bear double set of jaw teeth triple coat of hair , caste iron belly steele covered jaw mean old booger Ima rebel all y'all " version ....... Let me know what I've left out..... I think I melted my Spell Check....



Taken from Hamlet

(Taken from Ham Lets)

(Taken from the time Ham Lets told Willie Jake Speer that he heard firsthand heard what Plebus Teel said rat fore his boy Versy Teel went off to Birmin'ham to do carpderin' work (Versy later had a dawter named Very (short for Verylene Ann) and he gave her his name fer her middle name , now you talk about a ring tale tooter Verylene Ann Versy Teel was a pure hell cat she could handle anything, now I mean that ol' gal ... but that's another story allt'gether ...



A.K.A -You Gotta be Ready fer Anythang Down thar Boy , I didn't

Give You that Name fer Nothing , Now Earn It don't Rurn It !



A.K.A - If it Smells Rurnt it Probly Is



POLONIUS'S ADVICE TO LAERTES

(Plebus Tells Versy How to "Act Like Somebody ")



A father's advice to his son how to conduct himself in the world:

( A Daddy makes fer dang sure he puts in his two cents fore he turns out his boy plum out)



Don't tell all you think, or put into action thoughts out of harmony or proportion with the occasion.

(Don't rattle on and on about any an ever lil thang you thank, ner do thangs outta the way , don't you embareass me or spesslee yeMama )



Be friendly, but not common; don't dull your palm by effusively shaking hands with every chance newcomer.

(Be friendlylike but I betternot hearayou goin round stickin yor paw out to ever Tom , Dick and Harry that you comes up on )



Avoid quarrels if you can, but if they are forced on you, give a good account of yourself.

(Don't start nuttin' but ,by ned , don't you take nuttin' neither , you hear ?)



Hear every man's censure (opinion), but express your own ideas to few.

(let ever feller have his say , but don't try to shove ever idee that pops in yer head , down HIS throat )



Dress well, but not ostentatiously.

(Don't get all gussied up like yer puttin on the dawg)



Neither borrow nor lend.

(Don't bum off people , and vice versy Versy , Wipe that grin offa yer face or the next thang you know you want know nothin! " ) I actually heard Corbin say that last thing to a dog that kept gettin his way when he was "tryin to make a dollar " remodeling Tom Frazier's bathroom at his service station... you can't make stuff like that up....



And guarantee yourself against being false to others by setting up the high moral principle of being true to yourself.

(Ye word is ye bond boy , ye gotta be true to you! ats t-o-be-t-r-u !)



Give thy thoughts no tongue,

Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.

(You better Thank afore you do say , an don't say a bit more than you ort too , after you take time to thank of what you ort to say )



Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar;

( And like I done told you and told you, be a friend but don't you never be the least bit vulgar , you got that.)



The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,

Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;

But do not dull thy palm with entertainment

Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.

(The good buddy's you got that's tried and true , Hold to 'em like  a like a chicken snake on a .. well ah chicken .. thats right , like a chicken snake ona chicken , don't you grin at me boy, I'll knock out ! )



Beware

Of entrance to a quarrel, but, being in,

Bear 't that th' opposed may beware of thee.

(Don't be sitin listen to every wet behin the ear whippersnapper that comes down the pike , let 'em know if ther aghen you, that you " cover the ground you stand on" , and when the dust settles they gonna know they been in a fight ,by cracky , that'll learn'em durn'em ect., ect. , ect.)



Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice;

Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.

( Now din , pay attansion to everbody , but don't go loosin yer tongue at both ends to anybody and everbody within ear shot ov ye an the jury's out ,til you see fer sure what they gonna do NOT what they say they gonna do , you got that ? you better boy , listen here ....I'll slap you naked and hide your clothes you hear me? )



Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,

But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;

For the apparel oft proclaims the man.

(You gotta have somethin' left over for grocerys , so don't bite off more then you kin chew , it's all fine an well to have nice stuff , but I reckin' you member when Miss Ima Pig , you know Aunt Ura's twin sister , well , she come back from Addison the other week acting all high and mighty , anyhow , the man makes the clothes it aint the other around, am I right ? you best believe I am! We ain't scrapped clawed our way up to have you fall flat , member Ill run pick you up if ye get to far down , but I'll kick yor tale if you get to high up and don't you fergetit!)



Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;

For loan oft loses both itself and friend,

And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry

( I done sed it once an I'm a gonna say it aghin , I'll might near whoop you like a rented mule if I ever come to find out you been spongin off folks ,and member , two can play that game , so watch ye money nothin takes the edge offah the blade of friendship like barrin' or wantin' somebody to scotch fer ye all the dadblame time )



This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

William Shakespeare.



(Now din , Look at ye daddy son , And if you don't member nothin' else that I've ever told you...like fall follers summer , You gotta be true to yorself er yon't never be true to another soliterry soul ! Cuz when it's all over and you preepare to meet yor maker you gotta do it by yorself neither me ner yer momma can do it fer you , now get on outta here yer our boy and we couldn't be prouder !)

Willie Jake Speer

( and yes , he is related to The Speer Family that sangs together that yer kin to on yer Daddy's side )












My son had to write about Hamlet and I thought he needed the "Free State " A.K.A -"born in woods , raised by a bear double set of jaw teeth triple coat of hair , caste iron belly steelecovered jaw mean old booger I ma rebel all y'all " version ....... Let me know what I've left out..... I think I melted my Spell Check....
Taken from Hamlet
(Taken from Ham Lets)
(Taken from the time Ham Lets told Willie Jake Speer that he heard firsthand heard what Plebus Teel said rat fore his boy Versy Teel went off to Birmin'ham to do carpderin' work (Versy later had a dawter named Very (short for Verylene Ann) and he gave her his name fer her middle name , now you talk about a ring tale tooter Verylene Ann Versy Teel was a pure hell cat she could handle anything, now I mean that ol' gal ... but that's another story allt'gether ...
A.K.A -You Gotta be Ready fer Anythang Down thar Boy , I didn't
Give You that Name fer Nothing , Now Earn It don't Rurn It !
A.K.A - If it Smells Rurnt it Probly Is
POLONIUS'S ADVICE TO LAERTES
(Plebus Tells Versy How to "Act Like Somebody ")
A father's advice to his son how to conduct himself in the world:
( A Daddy makes fer dang sure he puts in his two cents fore he turns out his boy plum out)

Don't tell all you think, or put into action thoughts out of harmony or proportion with the occasion.
(Don't rattle on and on about any an ever lil thang you thank, ner do thangs outta the way , don't you embareass me or spesslee yeMama )
Be friendly, but not common; don't dull your palm by effusively shaking hands with every chance newcomer.
(Be friendlylike but I betternot hearayou goin round stickin yor paw out to ever Tom , Dick and Harry that you comes up on )
Avoid quarrels if you can, but if they are forced on you, give a good account of yourself.
(Don't start nuttin' but ,by ned , don't you take nuttin' neither , you hear ?)
Hear every man's censure (opinion), but express your own ideas to few.
(let ever feller have his say , but don't try to shove ever idee that pops in yer head , down his throat )
Dress well, but not ostentatiously.
(Don't get all gussied up like yer puttin on the dawg)
Neither borrow nor lend.
(Don't bum off people , and vice versy Versy , Wipe that grin offa yer face or the next thang you know you want know nothin! " ) I actually heard Corbin say that last thing to a dog that kept gettin his way when he was "tryin to make a dollar " remodeling Tom Frazier's bathroom at his service station... you can't make stuff like that up....
And guarantee yourself against being false to others by setting up the high moral principle of being true to yourself.
(Ye word is ye bond boy , ye gotta be true to you! ats t-o-be-t-r-u)
Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
(You better Thank afore you do say , an don't say a bit more than you ort too , after you take time to thank of what you ort to say )
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar;
( And like I done told you and told you, be a friend but don't you never be the least bit vulgar , you got that.)
The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.
(The good buddy's you got that's tried and true , Hold to 'em like like a like a chicken snake on a .. well ah chicken .. thats right , like a chicken snake ona chicken , don't you grin at me boy, I'll knock out ! )
Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but, being in,
Bear 't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
(Don't be sitin listen to every wet behin the ear whippersnapper that comes down the pike , let 'em know if ther aghen you, that you " cover the ground you stand on" , and when the dust settles they gonna know they been in a fight ,by cracky , that'll learn'em durn'em ect., ect. , ect.)
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
( Now din , pay attansion to everbody , but don't go loosin yer tongue at both ends to anybody and everbody within ear shot ov ye an the jury's out ,til you see fer sure what they gonna do not what they say they gonna do , you got that ? you better boy , listen here ....I'll slap you naked and hide your clothes you hear me? )
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man.
(You gotta have somethin' left over for grocerys , so don't bite off more then you kin chew , it's all fine an well to have nice stuff , but I reckin' you member when Miss Ima Pig , you know Aunt Ura's twin sister , well , she come back from Addison the other week acting all high and mighty , anyhow , the man makes the clothes it aint the other around, am I right ? you best believe I am! We ain't scrapped clawed our way up to have you fall flat , member Ill run pick you up if ye get to far down , but I'll kick yor tale if you get to high up and don't you fergetit!)
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry
( I done sed it once an I'm a gonna say it aghin , I'll might near whoop you like a rented mule if I ever come to find out you been spongin off folks ,and member , two can play that game , so watch ye money nothin takes the edge offah the blade of friendship like barrin' or wantin' somebody to scotch fer ye all the dadblame time )
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
William Shakespeare.
(Now din , Look at ye daddy son , And if you don't member nothin' else that I've ever told you...like fall follers summer , You gotta be true to yorself er yon't never be true to another soliterry soul ! Cuz when it's all over and you preepare to meet yor maker you gotta do it by yorself neither me ner yer momma can do it fer you , now get on outta here yer our boy and we couldn't be prouder !)
Willie Jake Speer
( and yes , he is related to The Speer Family that sangs together that yer kin to on yer Daddy's side )